Come with me back to 2014. Lindsay and I are expecting our first baby. It’s a girl. In some Christian circles, I start hearing what was at the time an unfamiliar phrase, family worship. Family worship wasn't a phrase widely used in my church growing up nor in the church where I currently served as a pastor. Since I was about to cross the threshold into fatherhood, there was no better time than now to figure out what family worship was all about.
Maybe you're not like me. You’re already familiar with the what and the why of family worship. Nonetheless, you're still wondering how to fit family worship into what feels like an already busy schedule. If so, skip on down to "The How" section.
The What
Jason Helopoulos, author of Family Worship: A Neglected Grace in the Christian Home, states that family worship includes at least three things:
Bible Reading
Prayer
Singing
Helopoulos describes family worship as one of three legs on the stool of Christian worship: "secret worship, corporate worship, and family worship." Note that the word "family" is a modifier of the key term "worship." The aspects of secret and corporate worship are likewise part of family worship: Bible reading, prayer, and singing. But if my personal devotions and gathered worship times already include bible reading, prayer, and singing, then why do I need a set-aside time for family worship?
The Why
God's Command
Ephesians 6:4, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."
Why family worship? The short answer, God said so. Parents are to be the primary disciple-makers of their children. Fathers, God puts the responsibility on us. We are to lead the charge with our families in bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord."
God's Warning
Proverbs 22:6, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." This is perhaps one of the most controversial verses for parents. Many trot this verse out as a promise or guarantee from God that if they "bring . . . up" their children "in the discipline and instruction of the Lord," then their conversion is guaranteed. "Sadly," Jim Newheiser states that some "forget that the Proverbs are maxims that describe how things generally, but not always, turn out" [Jim Newheiser, Opening up Proverbs, Opening Up Commentary (Leominster: Day One Publications, 2008), 158].
If taken as a positive admonition to parents, the proverb is warning parents to not forsake the wisdom of training your child to fear God and serve him at a young age. Generally, children will follow the pattern set in their youth. Some, however, have suggested that this passage has been misrepresented as a positive admonition when it should be understood as an outright warning. For example, Douglas Stuart thinks the passage should be understood as “Train up a child in his own way, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” In this light, the passage is a warning to parents to not let their children set the agenda for their own maturation, guidance, and learning because they'll develop into self-absorbed adults. For more on this passage, check out this article by CrossWalk.
The Practical Pay Off
In the last five years, Lindsay and I have grown the family from 3-5 and moved states twice. While the core elements (Bible reading, prayer, and singing) remained the same, each new child or move brought a change to the time and place of family worship within our home. When changes come, be willing to adjust to find the ideal time and place. Note: This may require several trials and errors. Establishing a set time and place is essential for consistency. For us, it used to be the last thing we did before bed. That became chaotic and difficult when Lily was born. Now the best time for everyone to participate is at the dinner table. Lily, the littlest, is confined in a high chair and the two older ones are contented in their chairs with food. The format is simple and brief. The benefit is incalculable.
The kids are learning to have a biblical world view from their Dad and Mom
It teaches that worshipping God is a priority Monday-Saturday and not just on Sundays
The kids are learning songs that we sing in worship on Sundays
It gives our family a connecting point each day
It teaches our kids that honoring God is just as important in our home as it is with our church (correcting the idea that the church is a building where you worship at)
It encourages frequent times of confession and repentance among the family
The kids see Dad and Mom read, pray, and sing for duty and delight in the Lord
We’ve gotten to the point, now five years later, that Mercy or Josiah will remind Lindsay and I that we’ve not yet done family worship. Do they look forward to it every evening? No. But we have done some things to help us make the time fun, age-appropriate, and spiritually formative for the whole family. We start with reading an entry from one of our children’s bibles, pray, review our scripture memory or catechism, and sing.
The How
The application of family worship was foreign to me. I finished Helopoulos’s book in the hospital the night before my oldest daughter, Mercy, was born. Helopoulos’s book helped to demystify it for me. The key is that you do something.
There is no one size fits all method for family worship.
Bible Reading
Use an age-appropriate Bible or reading plan. At the time of writing this, Lindsay and I have a 5, 3, and 1 year old. Needless to say, attention spans are brief. In this season of life we’ve read through and rotated between three different children’s picture book Bibles. Each have things that we love.
The Jesus Storybook Bible - The clear connection to Jesus in all of the Bible. Jesus is the hero in God's story of the redemption of humanity and the restoration of all things.
The Big Picture Bible - The clear connection between major themes in the Bible and Jesus, such as the Temple; Blood Sacrifices; and the Covenants with Noah, Abraham, Moses, and David.
Read and Learn Bible - There are helpful notes at the bottom of numerous pages to give definitions, explanations, or cultural background regarding common questions that parents may encounter.
If your children are older, 8 and up, you'll want to transition into reading chapters or sections of chapters from an easy to read English translation of the Bible. You may even want to ask them to read the paragraph from time to time. I recommend the English Standard Version, New International Version, New Living Translation, or the Christian Standard Version. Don't over complicate the process.
If you're just starting out, then simply read a portion of one of the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John) chronologically. Don't jump around looking for familiar verses. Start in chapter one and read a little at a time until you finish the book. Remember that many passages of Scripture don't require mountains of explanation. There are difficult passages, but the goal is not mastery of the text so much as the text influencing you, your family, and your collective thinking, worshipping, and living. If you're looking into how to teach your kids to study the Bible, that's a different topic. I highly recommend this great article from Desiring God. The main goal, especially for you fathers who doubt your ability to lead your family through Bible reading. Remember it is Bible reading not Bible study. There is a time and place for Bible study, but that is not what we are discussing here.
Prayer
Our pattern of prayer is simple. Make sure the prayer is informed by the Bible reading from that day. Pray regarding the things that were drawn out and/or addressed in the reading. The Scripture passage changes each day, so our prayer should have some variety.
Other things that you may want to include in your prayer family time are prayers for missionaries, the salvation of your neighbors, and the growth of your church family. We have found it helpful to keep pictures of missionaries that we are praying for tucked in our Bible or a notebook. The kids will often take turns selecting which missionary we'll take time to pray for that night. This is a fun way to keep prayer from being a repetition of the same words night after night. It also expands our concerns for the expansion of the Gospel to the nations. By practice, our children learn that the God of the Bible is not an American God. He's a God for all nations.
I also like to give the kids a chance to lead in prayer out loud. Especially with young children, it is important not to let them highjack each prayer. Don't get me wrong, I love hearing prayers for Barbee's knee to be healed, for butterflies, and for bunnies. However, our children do need to see Dad and Mom model biblical, joyful, and consistent prayer for them. So many children think that the only thing we pray for is food. These moments offer great opportunities to help our children develop a prayer life that's fed by Scripture and a concern for the expansion of God's kingdom in all the earth.
Singing
If leading in songs makes you feel uncomfortable, you're not alone! In fact, this is one area that I almost balked on. At first, leading the family in singing felt awkward. I started out by relying heavily on YouTube. That's okay. Remember to do something. Songs are a powerful way to impart lasting truths to the hearts and minds of our children. Chances are, you'll see the benefit yourself. The Getty’s are still one of my favorites go to's in a pinch.
I now use a hymnal, Hymns of Grace. My recommendation is to about 5-7 songs that you find to be good in theology and easy to learn. We do one song for about a week and then change to a new song.
Our favorites are Blessed Assurance, Come Thou Fount, This is My Father's World, and Joy to the World. Starting in about October, I switch over to singing exclusively Christmas songs!
A Bonus
One other key aspect of the Bryant family's time in worship each day is memory work in the Truth and Grace Memory Book by Tom Ascol. It is a Baptist Catechism with an age-graded guide for kids ages 2 and up. Honestly, this has become one of my favorite things to do each day. We do Bible verse memorization together and question/answer catechisms to help shape our thinking and view of the world. These questions and verses come up in the most unexpected places: Target parking lots, Walmart grocery aisles, playing at the park. I highly recommend this book as a supplement to anyone's family worship time. Ascol's introduction equips parents with a how-to-guide for the book that is easy to follow and implement immediately.
The blog post photo is a shot of the three resources that we're currently using in the Bryant family arsenal. Arm yourself up with some helpful tools to guide you on the journey to leading your family to worship God every day of the week. Oh, and one last encouragement. When you miss a day or days (because you will!). It happens to us more than I'd like to admit. Don't get discouraged. Remember the "why" behind the "what" of family worship and lead your family today.
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