Nate Self, Two Wars: One Hero's Fight on Two Fronts--Abroad and Within. Tyndale House Publishers, 2008. pp. 375.
“It’s a scary thing to be lost in the woods; its much more terrifying to be lost inside yourself” (357).
—Stu Weber, from the "Afterword"
Summary:
Two Wars is an autobiographical account of Nate Self’s experiences fighting a war on two fronts, one in the “sheer shock of combat," the other in “horrible echoes” that follow. Self was a graduate of West Point (1998), a combat veteran serving in combat tours in Kosovo pre-9/11, and tours in Afghanistan and Iraq post-9/11. He separated from the army in 2004. The book surveys his Army experience the wars fought externally and internally from the simulated combat stress of West Point (1998) to Iraq (~2003-2004) but the crux of Self’s journey takes place in Afghanistan (2002). Self was a member of the elite 75th Ranger Regiment. He was sent to Afghanistan as a platoon leader. Self’s greatest external battle came as the ground-force commander for a Quick Reaction Force (QRF). On 4 MAR 2002 they scrambled the QRF out of Bagram on two MH-47E Chinooks, call signs Razor Zero-One and Razor Zero-Two. Their mission was to recover a missing and/or captured Navy SEAL. The SEAL fell out of a helicopter somewhere in the Shah-i-Khot Valley. The QRF was on a rescue mission to recover a missing and/or captured Navy SEAL at 10,000 feet above sea level. While descending to land, Razor Zero-One takes two Rocket-Propelled Grenades (RPGs), one through the right engine the other through the cockpit. Razor Zero-One crashes at about ten-thousand feet in the snowy mountains of Afghanistan talking machine-gun fire from all sides.
The book details the harrowing events of bravery, loss, and resilience of Nate and his platoon. According to Stu Weber, “The battle that Nate and his platoon fought may very well have been one of the longest single firefights in our Global War on Terror. And it may hold yet another distinction—as the only infantry battle in our nation’s history fought at or above ten thousand feet.” Two distinctions that no infantryman aspires to.
For an extended review and summary of the battle in Nate Self’s own words, check out my podcast, Prayer and the Word. I intend to record a lengthier review highlighting the events in Afghanistan (2002).
Review/Recommendation:
Who needs this book?
First, Any American who hasn’t lived in or near a military installation or known military service members affected by those returning from the Global War on Terror. Less than one percent of the country is currently serving in our nation's armed services. Many corners of our nation have forgotten that we are at war and have been since 2001. The war on terror has extracted a heavy toll on our nation's greatest asset, her sons and daughters. Nate's battle is one that is often fought in isolation. Self's book will help you understand the toll that warfare exacts on a human soul. Many boys and girls have grown up with a glamorized view of war from video games and Hollywood. Two Wars is a raw look into one soldier's victories, hardships, marriage, fears, failures, and most importantly, his faith. The book weaves Nate's spiritual formation throughout a chronology of his life before, during, and after the Army.
Second, pastors and chaplains who support and work in/around military communities must read this book. Self’s raw telling of the events of the battle on the mountain top initiate non-combatants or combatants with little-to-no combat experience to the trauma of combat. His unvarnished telling of the battle that takes place when he comes off the mountain ought to embolden pastors and chaplains not to abandon their unique role in preparing to launch and recover warfighters from their churches or faith communities. Self’s faith was a source of peace in the chaos on the mountain. His faith also served as the decisive factor in his recovery off of the mountain. Although he ignored and ran from God in the aftermath, Self reached a breaking point.
“Julie [his wife] and I got on our knees. We prayed. For the first time in almost a year, I cracked open the cover of my Bible. Even if God had abandoned me, I would cry out to him. I was broken.” Self read the book of Jonah and realized he had been the one who abandoned God. God didn’t abandon him. He read his bible and prayed daily. Soon after, he read the account of Abraham and Isaac in Genesis 22. “When I read that story, I realized that, in leaving the Army, I had tried to take control of my own circumstances. I had tried to possess and protect everything I had: my life, my family, my future. I had ignored the very God who had delivered me in that snowy mountain in Afghanistan. I acted in fear rather than in faith. I should have followed Abraham’s example and been willing to offer up myself, my future, even my family, if that was where God was leading. When I was struggling the most, the answers to my fears were right there in front of me, in the Bible. The answers had always been there” (310-311).
Later, Self said, “God provided. I deserved to die. I had wanted to die. But God instead gave me an indication that he wasn’t through with me yet—and he waited until my heart was ready. This time, I wasn’t about to argue” (312).
So what is the moral of this autobiography for pastors and chaplains? Don’t relegate your role in calling service members to look at God. Who else will remind them to look to God and run to him with the biggest questions of life? Why me? Why not me? What purpose do I have after/beyond the battlefield? How do we help warfighters stay spiritually fit before the sounds of war? What about seeking God after the sound of fighting has stopped, but the echoes remain? Chaplains and pastors in/around military installations must wrestle with these questions. Don’t wrestle alone. Begin with Nate Self’s experiences and start the conversation there, perhaps with some current service members or veterans in your community.
Favorite Quotes/Segments:
At West Point:
"What I didn't know, or realize for several years to come, was that the tedium of memorizing and reciting seemingly useless details was a skill--one that I would need while leading soldiers in the field. The ability to retain data such as radio call signs, frequencies, and written or verbal orders was at the heart of managing information on the battlefield" (13).
"I learned throughout my time at the Academy that every time I tried to plan for the future, I had been grossly inaccurate. . . . Maybe God knew that if he gave me a road map, I'd likely never ask him for directions" (21-22).
August 1994–At West Point marching up the notorious Bull Hill, Self was at the point of exhaustion when...
“...Chaplain Camp, the Academy’s head pastor, stood on a boulder above wearing green fatigues and leaning on a thick smooth, staff. His silver hair streamed from under a floppy patrol cap, framing his gentle face. He was such an oddity against the backdrop of a thousand straining eighteen-year-olds with buzz cuts.” Ch Camp began to sing but his singing was more like adding insult to injury. “I respected his effort, but at the moment his singing just made things worse, intruding on my pain in an infuriating sensory overload...I didn’t need a song. I needed a lift ticket, someone to carry me to the top of Bull Hill—or else push me down it.
Then God stepped in.
‘I lift my eyes up to the hills! Where does my help come from?’ the chaplain said. ‘My help comes from the Lord! Maker of heaven and earth!’
It was a psalm—Psalm 121.
I stopped and looked at him. The Scripture calmed me. I became somewhat glad he was there, amid the circumstances. My thighs were still aflame; the load was still heavy; the footing, still uncertain. But I felt strong. I felt confident.
God had spoken to me, softly, through an old man singing out of tune. When I lift my eyes up to the hills, I found God there, ready to carry me. I decided it didn’t matter what sort of innocence I had lost at Beast—I had found something valuable to replace it” (19).
At his first assignment in Germany (1999):
His commander asked,
"Did you ever think of applying for the Ranger Regiment? I think you'd be a good fit."
Self recorded his thought,
"I had to be careful. Every Infantry lieutenant dreamed of serving in the Ranger Regiment, but a lieutenant declaring plans to leave the unit as soon as possible to move to the next best thing was like walking into the church and asking for directions to the juice and crackers" (38).
February 2000—In Kosovo for his first combat deployment:
“Little of West Point curriculum seemed to apply now. The Academy had taught me to think critically and make decisions—but nothing comparable to the overwhelming logistical and political situation in Kosovo. . . . At twenty-three years old, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Only time in the crucible would make me into what I needed to be"(51).
In Iraq (~2003-2004):
“I read somewhere that the opposite of fear is love. I think I read that in Gates of Fire, the book that Colonel Tony Thomas told me to read when I first got to the Rangers. I remember it was a riddle, to determine the opposite of fear. The book says that love is the opposite of fear . . . but that’s not true. It can’t be. So many people are petrified of finding love, of losing love; so how could fear and love be opposites? They coexist and cocreate. I’ve found the answer to the riddle here in Nineveh. The opposite of fear, I’ve found, for me . . . is faith” (286).
Sharing his story for one of the first times in a public venue at Times Square Church:
“I remember how the day before, when I was sharing some of my own struggles, I could see how deeply engaged Julie was in what I was saying. It occurred to me that it was the first time she’d heard me talk about some of these things. I was ashamed that she had to hear it along with an audience I’d never met.
Why is it so hard for me to share these deep struggles with those I love the most?” (321).
For more of my favorite quotes and fuller segments of the book, check out my podcast, Prayer and the Word.
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